I CALLED IT!

I just noticed that I TOTALLY called this:


Maybe I cursed myself :/ way to go STEPH! Ok...this time I am POSITIVE THAT EVERYTHING WILL GO PERFECTLY AND THERE WILL BE NO DELAYS, COMPLICATIONS, OR OTHER OBSTRUCTIONS BETWEEN ME AND THIS SURGERY! :)

Ps- how OCD I am I that I edited this post 3 times because the spacing was bothering me? lol.

...6...

Less than a week until my new surgery date :) I am feeling a bit better about it now. Six days is not that long! The only crappy part is that I have everything done and prepared now, so I have nothing to procrastinate with that will help the time fly. I always procrastinate and then the time zooms by because I don't want to do the thing I have to do that I'm not. Make sense? ;)

A couple blog posts back I was asked about my peanut butter milkshakes that I make. Well here ya go...easy peasy rice and cheesy:

You'll need:
* A blender
* All natural peanut butter (I USUALLY use the "grind it yourself" kind but I moved recently and can't find a store here that has the machine :( so for now I've been using Jiff Naturals)
*Milk (I use skim, not because it's less fat but because I LOVE skim milk- however yesterday I made this with lactose free milk and you can't even tell)
* No sugar added vanilla ice cream

Pour milk until it just covers the blades of the blender.
Then add a huge spoon full of peanut butter (this will depend on your taste- I personally like mine REALLY peanut buttery, others may not).
Then add a few scoops of ice cream (again- your taste, do you want a LOT of milkshake? Do you want yours really thick or thinner?).
And then blend away!

Pour into a vintage milkshake glass and add a milkshake straw and enjoy!

I don't have the nutritional stats on this, but in essence it's high protein and no added sugars. Of course there are some natural sugars from the milk/dairy but I'm also still pre-op so I choose to indulge. I would probably indulge in the post-op too if I can handle dairy. And if I can't, then I saw some "no sugar added lactose free" vanilla ice cream at the store, problem solved :) At some point I'll get brave and experiment with some protein powder mixed in. But right now my thoughts are "if it ain't broke, don't fix it!"

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

...7...

Good afternoon fellow bloggers :) Today, as promised, I am trying to be MUCH more positive. Today is a very special day <3 There is no reason not to be happy. AND it's only a week until my new surgery date! You'll notice a lack of #7 picture, but instead I wanted to post a bunch of pictures that make me smile, laugh, or just feel happy in general. Sometimes just looking at funny pictures improves your mood a ton. So in case anyone else is having not the best day ever...here, I will share with you:

This one says "So you've wanted to see us in the effing kitchen." hahahaa

This one reminds me of many threads on OH ;)

BACON!!!!

LOOK AT THEM!!!!!!!!! :) hahahaha cracks me up!

Ok well that's all I'm going to post for now. I will probably get on and post again in a little bit. :) I hope you are all having a good day- mine is certainly better than a couple days ago.

Click Offer!

I don't know about you all but I'm an active follower of EggFace. I love her recipes and ideas SO much! I'm very excited to start trying her version of protein shakes, they look so much more appetizing that your basic shake, and the flavor combos are amazing! I've been holding off on some of the ones I've been most excited to try because I just can't drop $40 on Click protein powder right now. But...I have good news!


http://www.drinkclick.com/bogo/

Click on that link and you will be directed to a page to get a free sample when you buy a sample. I just did it! :) I'll get one mocha and one vanilla latte. My total cost was $4.40 after shipping. Not bad :) I'd rather spend $4.40 than $40 to find out if I like something or not.

Just wanted to pass this on to you :) Even non-DSers can enjoy this!

...8...

I woke up this morning still feeling pretty much miserable. Not as bad as yesterday, but still bummed out. I have so much work to do to re-arrange schedules, time off work, FMLA requests, short term disability applications, etc. Work that I've already done.

I very much appreciate everyone who is trying to keep me positive. You all have made some very good points on examples of how things happen for a reason. I am also a believer of that, despite my horribly negative attitude at the moment. And I know that once I am cut, re-routed, sewn up, and healing, I will be able to see the logic a little more clearly and I know I will be thankful. I'm not in a depression that I can't get out of, I am choosing to be this way for the time being. Sometimes I just get tired of always being the positive one.

But let me compile some positives, just so you don't lose all hope in me :)

*If there was an emergency, I wouldn't want a distracted surgeon working on me (thanks Eggface!)

*By waiting an extra week I will have more money in my account to cover my cost so that I don't overdraft like I was going to.

*I will get to spend a very special day with a very special person that I wouldn't have gotten to otherwise because I would have been in the hospital.

*I get to watch the season premier of Jersey Shore tonight!

*I get another week of eating some food (still mostly liquids though)

*I have more time to mentally prepare myself

*Everything is already done and ready to go so I can feel more relaxed when the day finally does get here

*At least I don't live in Canada where the wait time for surgery is 10 years!

*I get to enjoy these really awesome storms we are having instead of being hospital bed ridden during them

*I can go swimming a few more times before the summer is over

*I can pick up my very heavy cat for 8 more days, which is good because she's been in a mood lately and has needed cuddles.

Right now my biggest stresses are re-arranging my time off work and having 9 less recovery days before school starts. I'm worried that I won't be feeling good enough to start my classes after only 10 days of recovery. We'll see :/ Other than that, I'm over the "shock" of a cancelled surgery. I promise tomorrow's post will be a bit more cheerful and back on track with a shake review and all :) Thank you all for your support and encouragement!

:*( ...9...

Yesterday sucked just about as bad as it possibly could. Of course I'm being dramatic, I know a lot more sucky things could have happened, but short of someone dying I don't really see how right now.

My surgery was supposed to be today. That's right, SUPPOSED to be. Yesterday I got a call from my surgeon's office and she said that there was an emergency and my surgeon cancelled my surgery. I was numb- completely shocked. The second I hung up with her I flung myself on the chair in the living room and just started sobbing. My face was completely covered in black stripes from my mascara. I can't even begin to describe how heartbroken and devastated I am. It's 2pm right now, I SHOULD be in my recovery room right now. I should be switched and be on my way to a new life. But I'm not. I'm about to start work in a couple hours.

I'm so pissed off. And I'm torn...my surgeon was Dr. Husted. When I first said that on OH I got ripped a new one for that from the vets, saying how he can't stay put and he cancels surgeries without notices, etc. I believed them, but after talking to Dr. Husted, he calmed my worries about that and gave very legitimate excuses that I completely bought. He told me flat out that he's going to be splitting his time between California and Arizona and that sometimes he won't be in my state for me, which I was ok with. But now...now I am angry and I feel betrayed. I trusted him against my instincts, against my better judgement, against the warnings of people wiser and more experienced than myself. And he let me down. Now the very caring and compassionate person in me is saying that perhaps there was a legitimate emergency and maybe he really didn't just up and leave but maybe he was saving some one's life or maybe someone in his family died or something. And those are legitimate reasons that would have nothing to do with his flight pattern. But of course my mind is jumping to the warnings I received previously and maybe he just cancelled because he didn't feel like coming over to AZ and wanted to stay at his CA practice. Maybe he is leaving the AZ practice all together- I don't know. But I was stubborn enough to think that this wouldn't happen to me, and it did. Serves me right :(

I've been on the phone back and forth ALL day yesterday and ALL day today. As of right now my surgery has been re-scheduled to August 12th, so 9 days from today. I have to go into a consultation on the 9th because this will be with a different surgeon, not Husted. I was told that if I wanted my surgery anytime soon with Husted I would have to fly out to California. Eff that! if I'm flying out to California I'm seeing Keshishian. Eff Husted! I am so mad at him for telling me to my face that the rumors on OH aren't true and then cancelling my surgery the day before just like the "rumors" said he would. So now I am going to have Dr. Hilario Juarez do my surgery. He's fairly new, but not as new as Blackstone was going to be when I was willing to have her do my DS. I've looked him up and can't find anything bad about him from his other surgeries (band, rny, revisions, etc). He also used to be a trauma surgeon so he can handle high stress situations in surgery, that makes me feel good.

Still though- this just isn't fair. WHY me? I have been fighting and fighting and fighting for this for over a year now! I just don't get why it keeps not working out. Maybe there's a reason, but of course that's not what I focus on. I'm focused on the fact that now I have to wait 9 more days for something I was prepared for TODAY. That means 9 more days of liquid diets, 9 more days of waiting, 9 more days of stress, 9 more days of working, and I have to do the bowel prep AGAIN! And they had better reimburse me for that, I spent $40 on those horse pills and took them at the surgeon's scheduler's orders and then she called me an hour later to cancel the surgery. I am not paying $40 for more pills that she made me waste. :( Yes, I'm being petty. I feel I have a right.

*le sigh*

I guess it could be a lot worse. I should be thankful. But today I choose to be miserable. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a better outlook.

Please, for the sake of my sanity, if any of you reading this are on the OH boards, please don't mention this or share this or do what ONE member did and say "oh did you see what she's hiding on her blog?" and ratted me out! B-word! I will admit my ignorance and take all of the "We told you so"s that I have coming- all in due time. But not yet.

...?...

...2...

OMG!! THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW I WILL BE SWITCHED! HOLY CRAP!

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this. It almost doesn't seem real. I think in my subconscious I am convinced that something will happen that will prevent me from having surgery. I'm not sure what, but something. I have worked so hard on this for so long, that at this point I feel like it's still not real, I'm prepared to keep fighting.

I'm being a good girl today and having LIQUIDS ONLY! :) No solid foods at all. Then tomorrow will be my clear liquids only and my bowl prep...joy. I lost 10 lbs last time I did the bowl prep, lol. All water weight, I know, but hey- 10lbs is 10 lbs.

I got a hair cut today! I chopped off like 4 inches! My hair was the longest it's ever been and now it's back to my normal shoulder length. I loved the long hair and I'll miss it, but I have really thin hair and I lost SO much hair post-op last time, and it's such a pain in the ass to keep neat. I'm not going to be styling my hair while I'm recovering, and if I don't it gets all knotted and ratty, and I don't want to have to pull tangles out of my hair either. So to make post-op life just a little easier, I chopped it. It'll also help it look fuller if it's shorter w/layers. I'll post a pic later after I've washed and re-styled it :)

I think Osi, my lizard, is picking up on my stress because he has been freaked out all day today. When I tried to pick him up for his bath he freaked out, and he loves his baths, so idk...maybe I should use him as an indicator of when I need to calm down.

Today was very stressful though. My morning started out pretty much as bad as it could be. After only 4 hours of sleep I got up and met up with my husband to sign our divorce papers. Just 2 days before my surgery :( He insisted that I do it before my surgery because he doesn't "want to be responsible" for me if anything happens to me during surgery. Not that having the papers filed will waive him of any legal responsibilities since they're not finalized, but still...that was kind of hurtful. And I'm not entirely sure why, but it really hurt my feelings that he didn't even ask where the hospital was or if he could come see me after my surgery. It made me feel like he doesn't even care about me anymore. I know that we're getting a divorce and we fell out of love, I get that, but I still care about him and if he were in the hospital for anything I'd want to go see him. My mom says it's because he cares about me so much that he doesn't want to see me all weak and drugged up and in pain and since he knows he's not going to be there to take care of me the whole time, he'd rather not see me at all. Idk...my feelings were still hurt. Whatever :( I guess that's part of divorce, losing your friend as well as your husband.