0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's FINALLY my turn! OMG I'm sooooo excited! I'm going to keep this super short and sweet. I'm all hyped up on adrenaline right now. I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who reads, who comments, and who supports and encourages me! You are all truly amazing and you keep me going when the going gets tough. So make some room on the losers bench...SEE YA ON THE OTHER SIDE!! :D

> 10 hours!

I'm killing time waiting for my tummy to be done for the night- geesh I swear it is never ending!

One of my blog-buddies is having a protein powder giveaway so I wanted to invite you all, even my band-buddies to check her blog out and enter for your chance to win! Even though my doing this is decreasing my chances of winning, lol! See what I do for you all??? jk!

The Vanishing Mom is an awesome blog to follow even if you don't want the protein powder :) She's very knowledgeable and always finds really fun blogs from other people. Sometimes I just don't know how to find cool blogs but she takes the work out of it for me. So this is me paying it forward ;)

Well most of my check list is done. I should go to bed soon, I have to be up at 4am, that's in 6 1/2 hours. But I'm normally not even IN bed until 4am. And now I have those excitement jitters that you get Christmas Eve night where you know you need to go to sleep because the morning will be so wonderful and exciting, but you just can't! That's what I feel like right now. My day has been pretty tiring though- I jumped every time the phone rang, just in case it was a cancellation. I've been in the bathroom non-stop and gone through almost an entire roll of Charmin by myself. I'm still queasy from the pills and lack of food, but otherwise I'm fairly calm. It took FOREVER for this day to get here, and now that it's here, it feels like this has all just flown by. I HATE THAT! LOL! So while I'm killing time I'm putting some movies on my iPod, doing laundry, and catching up on blogs and OH.

I'd appreciate if everyone could maybe say an extra prayer for me- or if you don't pray, GENTLY swing a critter or two for me ;) Night everyone!

...1...(part dos)

Welcome back! Today we're going to be cooking up a delicious soup for the "mushies" stage! This isn't technically clear so we'll need to wait until the "clear liquids" stage is over before enjoying :)


This is my own recipe, it is not inspired by, borrowed from, or copied off of ANYONE else. If you see it elsewhere, they borrowed it from me ;) Well, ok actually it's my mom's, but she's the same as me so for all intents and purposes, it's mine.


Today we'll be making Witch Soup (ok ok, it's Split Pea, but it sounds so much more fun calling it witch soup, right?!)







Stephanie's Witch Soup


Ingredients:


1 tsp. butter or olive oil


1/2 cup chopped onions* (be sure to check out my tip on chopping onions!)


1/2 cup chopped celery


1/2 cup chopped turnip OR potato (I use potato)


1 cup dried split peas


1 to 2 thick slices of ham, cubed (or if you are buying pre-cubed ham, about 1 cup or to taste)


4 cups chicken broth or stock


1/2 tsp marjoram


A dash of minced garlic or garlic powder (I use minced)


A dash of pepper

Directions:

Heat butter or oil in a large pot. Add onions*, celery, potato or turnip, and minced garlic (if you are using powdered, don't add yet) and saute until tender (about 8 -10 minutes).

When tender, add chicken stock/broth, peas, marjoram, powdered garlic (if you're not using minced), and pepper. Now, for the ham- if you are going to be using this soup as a mushy post-op diet soup, then add all your ham in the pot with everything else. If you are post-op or not on a mushy diet, then only add half of your ham to the pot, save the other half to add in after it's done so that you can have some chunks of ham in your soup.

Heat to boiling then turn down and let simmer until peas are tender, which for me is approximately 30 minutes.

CAREFULLY ladle soup into a blender and blend well. You won't want to put it all in the blender at once, just do a few scoops at a time, then dump into a reserved bowl.



Once all soup is blended either add your additional ham if you aren't making this for mushies, or if you don't want chunks of ham, then you're done! You can enjoy now or freeze, like I'm doing.

*HOW TO CHOP ONIONS

If you hate chopping onions and can't stand the tears, follow these simple tips that I use every time an onion is involved in any recipe I make:

*Freeze your onion for about 10 minutes before cutting- this greatly reduces the air born molecules that cling to your nose hairs that make you cry.

*Peel your onion and then chop off the top, not the root part where it's all connected.

*With a very sharp knife, make vertical cuts about every 1/3 or 1/2 inch on the sides of the onion, pushing the knife into the middle of the onion each time. Do this around the entire onion. (PS-this is also how you make the Awesome Blossom!)

*Then take your knife and cut horizontally across the entire base of the onion, at whatever height you want your onion pieces to be. If you want longer onion slices, keep your knife higher up. If you want tiny bits of onion, slice closer to the bottom of the onion.

And that's it! You have perfectly chopped onion pieces with very minimal handling so you shouldn't have any tears! But if you do, wash your hands in warm soapy water and then turn the water as cold as you can get it. Then cup your hands and let them fill with cold water. Bring your face down to your hands and put your nose as close to the cold water as you can without breathing in actual water. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out your mouth. The water molecules will clean your nose hairs of the onion molecules that are making you cry.

***disclaimer- I don't actually have any proof to back up these scientific terms or theories, but it's what works for me!***

I am freezing my soup in 1/2 cup pre-measured portions in zip lock freezer bags. This way I can keep my soup fresh for longer and only unfreeze small portions at a time. Just use a 1/2 cup measuring cup and scoop the soup into a plastic freezer bag.

The best way to freeze these is to lay the filled bags onto a cookie sheet. Put the cookie sheet in your freezer.



Once they are frozen, they will all be flat and you can stack them on top of each other or upright like books :) It saves a lot more space than freezing in Tupperware. then when you're ready to eat them, thaw in warm water and re-heat! I know that post-op I won't be eating a huge bowl of soup in one sitting, so this just reduces waste and keeps things fresh :)

...1...(part uno)

SO THIS IS IT!! The day before my surgery! :D I wanted to post this before anything happens to start my count down over again. But that WILL NOT HAPPEN! (hint hint Karma!)

Today is rough though, I'm not going to lie. I got a whole 4 hours of sleep. I had to wake up at 7am to start taking my bowel cleanse pills. After an hour of those (4 pills every 15 minutes) I tried to lay back down to get in some sleep before they took effect. But for some reason these pills are making me seriously nauseous this time around. Last time they didn't. I feel like I'm fighting to not throw them all up. The "cleanse" part isn't even that bad, honestly. My tummy isn't all crampy and in pain. I just know when I have to excuse myself to the loo and then it just takes care of itself. No effort on my part really. But this nausea...ugh! That is killing me. I'm trying to stay hydrated but I feel water logged, like the water itself is making me sea sick. And obviously I can't take any Pepto, that would be counter productive. Oh well. It's worth it to be ready for surgery tomorrow.

I saved up some stuff to do today so that I'm not sitting around here waiting all day for tomorrow to get here. So I'll be posting a 2nd post today with the results of one of those tasks.

In other news, I got my Click protein samples in the mail yesterday :) yay! I can't wait to try them in a couple weeks. It's too late now, I'm on clear liquids only for a while. I can't even eat my messed up ice cream from last night :/ Oh well.

Alrighty kiddos, I'm going to go eat some SF Popsicles and get going on my list :) See you in a few hours!

...2...

Wait...did I forget 3? NOPE!! It's 2 :) Lemme 'splain.

I had my appointment with Dr. Juarez today. I LOVE him. He is funny, he's super nice, he's extremely smart and more importantly, he treats me like I'm extremely smart. When he was discussing the actual procedure he didn't "dumb down" the medical terms. He talked to me like a colleague, not an ignorant patient who doesn't know what the hell she's doing. I very much appreciate when doctors do that. If I don't understand something, I'll ask, but otherwise just assume that I have done my research on this enough to know what a bouge is. Anyway, I'm VERY impressed. For anyone who says he is old and his hands are shaky...I call bullshit. He may be older, but that means more experienced. I watched his hands closely the entire visit and they were steadier than mine! Also, side note, my blood pressure was low today :/ that's strange seeing as how it's usually high and I am under a lot of stress right now. Oh well. Moving on.

Kristie, the surgeon's schedule coordinator, is just WONDERFUL! I mean...over the top, goes above and beyond, just really gets things done...WONDERFUL! In the face of chaos she totally stepped up, even took time out of her vacation she was supposed to be on, and really fixed the mess that Dr. Husted left behind. Everyone at the Bridges center has been wonderful. I don't think I've met one person there who didn't go a step above and beyond. Well...this isn't including the "nurse" who tried to teach the seminar in Reshma's place. Ugh. But everyone else, specifically Reshma and Kristie have left profound impressions on me.

Today Kristie came in and talked to me for a bit. She apologized for the mess we were in because of Dr. Husted, and then she confirmed everything for me schedule wise. Instead of sending me home with an "I'll call you" she called the operating room right that second to confirm. Also, it turns out that Dr. Juarez wasn't even scheduled to do surgeries this weekend, he was on call. But he agreed to schedule me since he knew what happened w/Dr. Husted. :) That made me feel all warm and fuzzy. So just as Kristie is wrapping up confirmations with me, Dr. Juarez comes in and says "I'm actually going to move you to a different date." And I PANIC- but only on the inside, this was a private panic. He immediately followed with "I'm going to have you scheduled for Thursday instead of Friday." PHEWW! YAY!!! ONE DAY EARLY! So poor Kristie, she had to re-schedule some other stuff to get me in on Thursday, but I am just so thankful that they did that for me. I feel important and not like just another fat person to get done with. I have felt that way with other places and other doctors before and it's not a good feeling.

So anyway...that means I am done with work for the next couple of weeks! Woo hoo! And I'm feeling REALLY good right now. Much better than I've felt in a while.

Now the FUN stuff I wanted to post yesterday but didn't. I've been on a liquid diet for a while now, lol, but I wanted to mix it up with some ice cream. I've been in such an ice cream mood for a while now, and it's HOT, 107 degrees HOT today! So why not?! It's liquid-y :)

I tried an EggFace ice cream FINALLY! :)

For my first attempt, I made Shelly's Caramel Swirl. Please click on the link for the recipe. I don't want to have anyone mistake this for MY recipe, because I didn't adjust or change anything. All the credit goes to Shelly on this one :)

I froze my ice cream maker bowl for 24 hours and it was COLD. It kind of over froze the ice cream I think :/ The ice cream on the bottom of the bowl was so hard I couldn't scoop it out at all. So perhaps I'll try the recommended 12 hours next time. But I did buy that milk frother that EggFace uses, and it does make a HUGE difference in texture and volume. Oh, speaking of volume--this makes like 1 or 2 servings max. For some reason I was expecting a lot more. I have no idea why, lol, but I was shocked to see maybe 2 scoops worth of ice cream in the mixer. Oh well, I guess that makes sense since this is a WLS recipe.

For the protein powder I used All Max/ IsoNatural from my many VitaLady samples....HOLD EVERYTHING!! OMG!!!! I just realized what a TARD I am. Great...after I just spouted off about how intelligent I am up above. You can't hide from the blonde forever. I was looking at the sample bag to tell you the flavor and guess what...I used UNFLAVORED protein powder on accident. It was white, I thought it was vanilla! XD wow Steph. OK well then this may not be the BEST sample for protein ice cream, but honestly it didn't taste horrible, the tiny lick I had off the spatula. Although now I'm excited to try it with an actual flavored protein powder :) But for now I'll wait for this batch to harden up in the freezer and then let you all know how the un-flavored caramel ice cream tastes :) It's been a LOOONNG day and clearly I need to go to bed! :) G'night all!

...4...

Well today was going to be a really fun post, but it turned out that things didn't quite go out the way I was hoping, so I'll try that again tomorrow :) Stay tuned!

Anyway, tomorrow is my consultation with the new surgeon, Dr. Juarez. I'm very excited to meet with him :) I have a list of questions that I want to ask him. Can anyone think of any more than what I have?

My question list is:
*What method do you use to decide common channel length?
*If it's a standard length, how long?
*What size will my stomach be?
*Do you insert j-tubes automatically?
*If you experience any issues, will you change to an open surgery or will you only do half of the surgery?

That's all I've got so far. I'll let you know how it goes. Plus, I'll feel more certain about my new surgery date once I've actually talked to the new surgeon. I also intend to get the office manager to give me a credit for my prescription that I'm going to have to RE-buy because they cancelled on me! It's only fair.

Oh, by the way, Osi is doing better today. Still not back to himself, but better than yesterday. We'll just take it day by day :)

Well that's all for today folks, I was all ramped up for a fun post but it got delayed so I don't really have a ton to talk about today! :) Enjoy your night!

Another ode to someone special~

I just wanted to add how THANKFUL I am for "this guy I live with." He puts up with SO much stress and just takes care of everything. By next week, after I've had my surgery, he will be taking care of my two cats, feeding them, cleaning their cat box, playing with them, making sure ONE of them (*cough* CLEO) doesn't keep peeing everywhere, and making sure the other one (*cough*CHICKEN) stays out of trouble. He will also be taking care of Osi, feeding him by hand daily, trying to see if he'll eat crickets, giving him 2 doses of meds (which requires holding him so that he can't squirm away and then trying to shove a syringe into his mouth that he has clamped shut rather well), and cleaning out his tank daily, giving him clean water and constantly watching the temperature of the tank for three weeks. On top of all of that, I won't be able to help him with it because I'll be all loopy and recovering from surgery for probably the first few days. Not only will I not be able to help, I'll be requiring care of my own. Besides going with me to pre-op appointments, driving me to the hospital the day of my surgery, staying with me all day and all night, then going home to take care of the pets, then coming back to the hospital when they release me, and making sure I have everything I need, he'll be helping me by getting me drinks, vitamins, mushies, running to the store, picking up prescriptions, keeping the house clean, keeping up on dishes, keeping up on laundry, making his own food, just generally being my man-servant. And to add to his long list of to-dos, he has to keep working his full time job through all of this. Geesh, I'm exhausted for him already.

But I am so thankful for him. I don't know what I would do without him! :) So I just wanted to throw this up here so that he knows that I'm not un-aware of all he does/is going to be doing for me. I just want him to know how wonderful and amazing and awesome he is for taking on all these responsibilities when he absolutely didn't have to. <3

...5... (an ode to Osi)

I'm a tad late on this post. But I had a really rough day :( Seems those are in high supply around here lately. This post is not at all about my surgery or food or anything WLS related. It is about my pet who is not doing good right now :( Don't worry if you skip this blog, tomorrow's will be back on topic.

This morning I woke up to by precious baby lizard, Osiris (we call him Osi- sounds like Ozzy), acting completely bonkers. He was walking around his tank like he was drunk, he couldn't walk straight, he kept bumping into things, he kept falling off his branch, he was tilting his head, etc. He had never acted that way before and it freaked me out. He kept falling over like his equilibrium was thrown off. It broke my heart to see him like that. But I didn't know what to do and it's Sunday so vets aren't open. I decided to just watch him for a bit because he was 100% fine yesterday and nothing changed that I knew of. But then he went from running around drunk to lethargic. Not just lethargic but like he was laying down to die. He hung his head, he didn't care where he was laying, just any random place would do, he wasn't alert when I picked him up...I was scared shitless. So we found an emergency exotic pet vet and dashed him over there. I was in tears all day. When my dad called and I explained what was happening he goes "Really Stephanie? You're spending money for a vet for a LIZARD? Is it even worth it? Just go buy a new one." :((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I know that lizards aren't the most popular pet, I know some people find them gross or creepy or think of them as just a rodent, but I don't think that way. I love lizards, I've always been fascinated by them, and I LOVE Osi soooooo much!! He has the best personality!! Did you even know that lizards have personalities? Well they do, and my little man had the BEST! He's only 2 months old and he's a Bearded Dragon (they are the best for personalities). He hugs my fingers, he sleeps in my hand all curled up or sprawled out. He sticks his tongue out, he bobs his head to music, he stares down the cats like "come at me bro!", even though they are like 10 times his size, lol. He's all of 6 grams compared to a 12 lb cat, lol. He is so cute when he chases crickets, he eats them legs first so he makes them watch their death, he's a BAMF. He loves warm baths and falls asleep in my hands when he has them. He takes HUGE poops and then stands proudly next to them with his head held high until I clean them up. He scratches his head with his back legs, like a doggy :) *tear* I just love him so much, he's so cute and he is a constant source of entertainment for us. He is not boring nor does he just lay around all day. Well, until today that is :( he's sick and I don't know what it is. We took him to the vet and there are a number of things we are trying. Some aren't so serious and he should perk right back up if that's the problem...others are as serious as you can get. :( For now we're just following the vet's orders and making him as comfortable and nourished as possible. There's nothing more we can do but sit back and wait to see if the meds we're giving him will make any difference. :( I love my little guy so much and I'm just a mess over the thought of losing him. I've only had him a month but he's already part of our family and even the cats love him (well...they love looking at him, the extent of their love vs their apatite is questionable). So yes Dad, Osi is very much worth it, he is worth every penny and prayer.


Osi sleeping on my hand as I watch tv

Osi chilling in his spa (it's a rock dish with water, but we call it his spa and he looks sooooo cute lounging in it!-- the red is because this is at night when his red light is on to keep him warm)

Osi a few days ago, he was following me around the room from his tank, everywhere I'd go, he'd run to that side of the tank and watch me. :)

I will keep you updated on his condition.

I CALLED IT!

I just noticed that I TOTALLY called this:


Maybe I cursed myself :/ way to go STEPH! Ok...this time I am POSITIVE THAT EVERYTHING WILL GO PERFECTLY AND THERE WILL BE NO DELAYS, COMPLICATIONS, OR OTHER OBSTRUCTIONS BETWEEN ME AND THIS SURGERY! :)

Ps- how OCD I am I that I edited this post 3 times because the spacing was bothering me? lol.

...6...

Less than a week until my new surgery date :) I am feeling a bit better about it now. Six days is not that long! The only crappy part is that I have everything done and prepared now, so I have nothing to procrastinate with that will help the time fly. I always procrastinate and then the time zooms by because I don't want to do the thing I have to do that I'm not. Make sense? ;)

A couple blog posts back I was asked about my peanut butter milkshakes that I make. Well here ya go...easy peasy rice and cheesy:

You'll need:
* A blender
* All natural peanut butter (I USUALLY use the "grind it yourself" kind but I moved recently and can't find a store here that has the machine :( so for now I've been using Jiff Naturals)
*Milk (I use skim, not because it's less fat but because I LOVE skim milk- however yesterday I made this with lactose free milk and you can't even tell)
* No sugar added vanilla ice cream

Pour milk until it just covers the blades of the blender.
Then add a huge spoon full of peanut butter (this will depend on your taste- I personally like mine REALLY peanut buttery, others may not).
Then add a few scoops of ice cream (again- your taste, do you want a LOT of milkshake? Do you want yours really thick or thinner?).
And then blend away!

Pour into a vintage milkshake glass and add a milkshake straw and enjoy!

I don't have the nutritional stats on this, but in essence it's high protein and no added sugars. Of course there are some natural sugars from the milk/dairy but I'm also still pre-op so I choose to indulge. I would probably indulge in the post-op too if I can handle dairy. And if I can't, then I saw some "no sugar added lactose free" vanilla ice cream at the store, problem solved :) At some point I'll get brave and experiment with some protein powder mixed in. But right now my thoughts are "if it ain't broke, don't fix it!"

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

...7...

Good afternoon fellow bloggers :) Today, as promised, I am trying to be MUCH more positive. Today is a very special day <3 There is no reason not to be happy. AND it's only a week until my new surgery date! You'll notice a lack of #7 picture, but instead I wanted to post a bunch of pictures that make me smile, laugh, or just feel happy in general. Sometimes just looking at funny pictures improves your mood a ton. So in case anyone else is having not the best day ever...here, I will share with you:

This one says "So you've wanted to see us in the effing kitchen." hahahaa

This one reminds me of many threads on OH ;)

BACON!!!!

LOOK AT THEM!!!!!!!!! :) hahahaha cracks me up!

Ok well that's all I'm going to post for now. I will probably get on and post again in a little bit. :) I hope you are all having a good day- mine is certainly better than a couple days ago.

Click Offer!

I don't know about you all but I'm an active follower of EggFace. I love her recipes and ideas SO much! I'm very excited to start trying her version of protein shakes, they look so much more appetizing that your basic shake, and the flavor combos are amazing! I've been holding off on some of the ones I've been most excited to try because I just can't drop $40 on Click protein powder right now. But...I have good news!


http://www.drinkclick.com/bogo/

Click on that link and you will be directed to a page to get a free sample when you buy a sample. I just did it! :) I'll get one mocha and one vanilla latte. My total cost was $4.40 after shipping. Not bad :) I'd rather spend $4.40 than $40 to find out if I like something or not.

Just wanted to pass this on to you :) Even non-DSers can enjoy this!

...8...

I woke up this morning still feeling pretty much miserable. Not as bad as yesterday, but still bummed out. I have so much work to do to re-arrange schedules, time off work, FMLA requests, short term disability applications, etc. Work that I've already done.

I very much appreciate everyone who is trying to keep me positive. You all have made some very good points on examples of how things happen for a reason. I am also a believer of that, despite my horribly negative attitude at the moment. And I know that once I am cut, re-routed, sewn up, and healing, I will be able to see the logic a little more clearly and I know I will be thankful. I'm not in a depression that I can't get out of, I am choosing to be this way for the time being. Sometimes I just get tired of always being the positive one.

But let me compile some positives, just so you don't lose all hope in me :)

*If there was an emergency, I wouldn't want a distracted surgeon working on me (thanks Eggface!)

*By waiting an extra week I will have more money in my account to cover my cost so that I don't overdraft like I was going to.

*I will get to spend a very special day with a very special person that I wouldn't have gotten to otherwise because I would have been in the hospital.

*I get to watch the season premier of Jersey Shore tonight!

*I get another week of eating some food (still mostly liquids though)

*I have more time to mentally prepare myself

*Everything is already done and ready to go so I can feel more relaxed when the day finally does get here

*At least I don't live in Canada where the wait time for surgery is 10 years!

*I get to enjoy these really awesome storms we are having instead of being hospital bed ridden during them

*I can go swimming a few more times before the summer is over

*I can pick up my very heavy cat for 8 more days, which is good because she's been in a mood lately and has needed cuddles.

Right now my biggest stresses are re-arranging my time off work and having 9 less recovery days before school starts. I'm worried that I won't be feeling good enough to start my classes after only 10 days of recovery. We'll see :/ Other than that, I'm over the "shock" of a cancelled surgery. I promise tomorrow's post will be a bit more cheerful and back on track with a shake review and all :) Thank you all for your support and encouragement!

:*( ...9...

Yesterday sucked just about as bad as it possibly could. Of course I'm being dramatic, I know a lot more sucky things could have happened, but short of someone dying I don't really see how right now.

My surgery was supposed to be today. That's right, SUPPOSED to be. Yesterday I got a call from my surgeon's office and she said that there was an emergency and my surgeon cancelled my surgery. I was numb- completely shocked. The second I hung up with her I flung myself on the chair in the living room and just started sobbing. My face was completely covered in black stripes from my mascara. I can't even begin to describe how heartbroken and devastated I am. It's 2pm right now, I SHOULD be in my recovery room right now. I should be switched and be on my way to a new life. But I'm not. I'm about to start work in a couple hours.

I'm so pissed off. And I'm torn...my surgeon was Dr. Husted. When I first said that on OH I got ripped a new one for that from the vets, saying how he can't stay put and he cancels surgeries without notices, etc. I believed them, but after talking to Dr. Husted, he calmed my worries about that and gave very legitimate excuses that I completely bought. He told me flat out that he's going to be splitting his time between California and Arizona and that sometimes he won't be in my state for me, which I was ok with. But now...now I am angry and I feel betrayed. I trusted him against my instincts, against my better judgement, against the warnings of people wiser and more experienced than myself. And he let me down. Now the very caring and compassionate person in me is saying that perhaps there was a legitimate emergency and maybe he really didn't just up and leave but maybe he was saving some one's life or maybe someone in his family died or something. And those are legitimate reasons that would have nothing to do with his flight pattern. But of course my mind is jumping to the warnings I received previously and maybe he just cancelled because he didn't feel like coming over to AZ and wanted to stay at his CA practice. Maybe he is leaving the AZ practice all together- I don't know. But I was stubborn enough to think that this wouldn't happen to me, and it did. Serves me right :(

I've been on the phone back and forth ALL day yesterday and ALL day today. As of right now my surgery has been re-scheduled to August 12th, so 9 days from today. I have to go into a consultation on the 9th because this will be with a different surgeon, not Husted. I was told that if I wanted my surgery anytime soon with Husted I would have to fly out to California. Eff that! if I'm flying out to California I'm seeing Keshishian. Eff Husted! I am so mad at him for telling me to my face that the rumors on OH aren't true and then cancelling my surgery the day before just like the "rumors" said he would. So now I am going to have Dr. Hilario Juarez do my surgery. He's fairly new, but not as new as Blackstone was going to be when I was willing to have her do my DS. I've looked him up and can't find anything bad about him from his other surgeries (band, rny, revisions, etc). He also used to be a trauma surgeon so he can handle high stress situations in surgery, that makes me feel good.

Still though- this just isn't fair. WHY me? I have been fighting and fighting and fighting for this for over a year now! I just don't get why it keeps not working out. Maybe there's a reason, but of course that's not what I focus on. I'm focused on the fact that now I have to wait 9 more days for something I was prepared for TODAY. That means 9 more days of liquid diets, 9 more days of waiting, 9 more days of stress, 9 more days of working, and I have to do the bowel prep AGAIN! And they had better reimburse me for that, I spent $40 on those horse pills and took them at the surgeon's scheduler's orders and then she called me an hour later to cancel the surgery. I am not paying $40 for more pills that she made me waste. :( Yes, I'm being petty. I feel I have a right.

*le sigh*

I guess it could be a lot worse. I should be thankful. But today I choose to be miserable. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a better outlook.

Please, for the sake of my sanity, if any of you reading this are on the OH boards, please don't mention this or share this or do what ONE member did and say "oh did you see what she's hiding on her blog?" and ratted me out! B-word! I will admit my ignorance and take all of the "We told you so"s that I have coming- all in due time. But not yet.

...?...

...2...

OMG!! THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW I WILL BE SWITCHED! HOLY CRAP!

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this. It almost doesn't seem real. I think in my subconscious I am convinced that something will happen that will prevent me from having surgery. I'm not sure what, but something. I have worked so hard on this for so long, that at this point I feel like it's still not real, I'm prepared to keep fighting.

I'm being a good girl today and having LIQUIDS ONLY! :) No solid foods at all. Then tomorrow will be my clear liquids only and my bowl prep...joy. I lost 10 lbs last time I did the bowl prep, lol. All water weight, I know, but hey- 10lbs is 10 lbs.

I got a hair cut today! I chopped off like 4 inches! My hair was the longest it's ever been and now it's back to my normal shoulder length. I loved the long hair and I'll miss it, but I have really thin hair and I lost SO much hair post-op last time, and it's such a pain in the ass to keep neat. I'm not going to be styling my hair while I'm recovering, and if I don't it gets all knotted and ratty, and I don't want to have to pull tangles out of my hair either. So to make post-op life just a little easier, I chopped it. It'll also help it look fuller if it's shorter w/layers. I'll post a pic later after I've washed and re-styled it :)

I think Osi, my lizard, is picking up on my stress because he has been freaked out all day today. When I tried to pick him up for his bath he freaked out, and he loves his baths, so idk...maybe I should use him as an indicator of when I need to calm down.

Today was very stressful though. My morning started out pretty much as bad as it could be. After only 4 hours of sleep I got up and met up with my husband to sign our divorce papers. Just 2 days before my surgery :( He insisted that I do it before my surgery because he doesn't "want to be responsible" for me if anything happens to me during surgery. Not that having the papers filed will waive him of any legal responsibilities since they're not finalized, but still...that was kind of hurtful. And I'm not entirely sure why, but it really hurt my feelings that he didn't even ask where the hospital was or if he could come see me after my surgery. It made me feel like he doesn't even care about me anymore. I know that we're getting a divorce and we fell out of love, I get that, but I still care about him and if he were in the hospital for anything I'd want to go see him. My mom says it's because he cares about me so much that he doesn't want to see me all weak and drugged up and in pain and since he knows he's not going to be there to take care of me the whole time, he'd rather not see me at all. Idk...my feelings were still hurt. Whatever :( I guess that's part of divorce, losing your friend as well as your husband.

...3...

I freaking love Scott Pilgrim! I had a different #3 lined up but I saw this and decided it was the one. No other #3 would work.

So my good DS pal Heidi started a thread on OH that got people thinking about all the things they want to be able to do post-op. This is a sensitive subject for me but it really is a very good subject. So many people who aren't overweight have no idea how many things we just cannot do. They have no idea how much we miss out on, even the simplest things. So I am going to step WAY out of my comfort zone and post my own "skinny bucket list" of sorts.

Stephanie's Skinny List:
--in no particular order--
*Shop at ANY store that I want, particularly Victoria's Secret, Forever 21, Lucky, Charlotte Russe
*Wear SEXY panties and actually look/feel sexy in them
*Wear high heels- I'm talking at least 4 1/2 inches
*Wear red lipstick- I know this one will throw some of you but red lipstick looks so much different on a thin face than it does a round one!
*Wrap a normal sized bath towel around my entire body
*Be able to take a bath and have the water completely cover me
*Sit in a restaurant booth without it digging into my gut
*Sit on a plastic chair without holding my breath (because you know- holding your breath helps you weigh less, lol)
*Have a much more X-rated sex life (I won't go into too much detail here, you get the point)
*Wear bracelets that actually fit over my huge ape hands
*Wear head bands that won't slide off my head
*Go to water parks and play on the slides
*Wear a bathing suit in public
*Walk the mall without getting winded
*Get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy
*Go to the baseball or football games and fit comfortably in the stadium chairs
*Be able to use both arm rests at the movie theatre
*Live in Arizona without going all summer in long sleeve shirts to hide my grandma arms
*LOOK my age! I'm 26 dammit, my 23 year old sister is NOT my daughter!
*Look good in leggings/jeggings/ or skinny jeans...or jeans in general!
*Wear boots that go up higher than my ankle
*Sit on the bed without it sounding like it's dying
*Sit in my office chair and have the arms hit the table before my belly
*Be able to bend over enough to give myself a pedicure
*Go to any amusement park and not have to freak out the entire time wondering if I'll fit in the ride
*Ride a bike again
*Play Just Dance w/o looking like a retard (ok I probably still will, but at least I'll be a skinnier retard)
*Start my "career" that requires a much higher self esteem than I currently have
*Not look at every person in a room to see if I'm the biggest one
*Not feel like everyone is judging me or secretly making fun of my size
*Not HAVE to ride shot gun because I can't squeeze my fat ass in the back seat of a coup or because the back seat belts don't fit me
*Fly comfortably in any airplane seat w/o a seat belt extender
*Jump on a trampoline or a bouncy house
*Go paragliding
*Go sky diving
*Be proud to go to my 10 year high school reunion
*Not have to buy necklace extenders
*Go jogging
*Run a marathon
*Get massages without being afraid of if the table is big enough or if the masseuse is grossed out by my fat back
*Get a Brazilian bikini wax w/o having to hold my gut up and go doggy style on the table and grossing out the waxer (I haven't had this experience but this fear prevents me from trying)
*Sit on any furniture w/o fear if it buckling under my weight
*Not be forced to shop at Lane Bryant, Torrid, and Old Navy plus size
*Not have to buy maternity tankinis so that the top goes down low enough to cover my gut
*Just over all feel more comfortable in my own skin so that I can go out and live and enjoy life without my weight holding me back!!!

I'm sure I'll think of WAY more, so maybe there will be a "part 2" to this, but for now this is a good list. And I'm late in posting this anyway as it is now 2:23am on day 2, not day 3. Oh well.

Today was productive! I bought a recliner! It's small, kinda flimsy, cheap- but you get what you pay for, it was only $150 brand new. I was going to get a used one from Craigslist but my friend freaked me out about bed bugs and ticks and stuff so I got the heeby geebiez and decided against that rout. I was going to rent one from Rent-A-Center, but it was going to cost about $130 for two months, and the recliner wasn't that much bigger than this one, so I figured for a few more bucks I'd get this and keep it as long as I want. It's cheap, I wouldn't buy it if I wanted to really use it a lot for a long time, but it really only has to last me a few months and then if it decides to die, then I won't be too heartbroken.
I also got pretty much all of my cleaning done. I still have a few things but not much.

Tomorrow (later today) I am going to make my post-op soups, finish cleaning, and then just RELAX the rest of the day. :) I'm starting to get excited!

...4...

HOLY COW...4 days! Today is my last official work day, although I will probably end up working overtime tomorrow. Hey- I've got a lot of medical bills to re-coup from!

So I got brave today and made my first protein shake from one of the many samples I got from VitaLady! And I made it in my Blender Bottle for the first time!





I tried ProBlend 55 in Mocha Cappuccino

The stats are as follows:
Calories- 275
Fat- 3g
Sat fat- 1.5g
Cholesterol- 42mg
Cabs- 7g
Fiber- 0
Sugars- 4g
Protein- 55g
Sodium- 105mg
Pro-Digestive Blend- 115mg (idk what this is)

This is a whey protein and you know what??? I don't hate it!! :D Really I don't. My thing has always been texture. The pre-made protein shakes don't taste bad but they are so thick and that triggers my gag reflexes. For this one I poured the whole sample packet into my blender bottle. One packet is one serving and that's 2 scoops. I filled mine with skim milk, NOT water (bleck!) and I poured about 8oz into it. I shook it up really good and then added about 5 ice cubes and shook some more. It was really frothy and foamy (another gag trigger of mine) so I let it "settle" for a couple minutes and when it looked smooth and creamy I braced myself, took a deep breath, and took a swig. And it's not bad at all! I'm not sure I'd say it tastes anything like a mocha cappuccino, but did I really expect it to? If I want that taste I'll try the Click protein powders that EggFace uses to make faux frappuccinos. :) So I'm rather pleased with myself and with my first real test of protein powders.

The million dollar question- would I buy this flavor in a tub? (for future reference, this will always be the million dollar question and it means if I like it enough to shell out the $$ for a tub of it)...and the answer is- probably not this flavor, but I would absolutely buy more samples :) and I'm excited to try more flavors by this brand.

Well I suppose I better TRY to get back to work, although I'm pretty convinced it's a lost cause at this point. I hope you all have great weekends!

...5...

Well my BANK ACCOUNT lost a lot of weight today :/ I had to pay my surgeon's fees today- freaking $3,500! And I still have to pay $4000 to the hospital! I feel nauseous.

I also got a copy of my pre-op blood labs. I am just staring at them trying to figure out how to read them as I type this.

Hmm- everything actually looks pretty good other than my cholesterol seems to be high! That's surprising, I've never had high cholesterol! I'm not sure there's much I can do about that in 5 days though. My HDLs are high at 62, so that's good, but so are my LDLs- 171 :/ my overall cholesterol is 210, which is high but not SUPER high. I don't think that they did things like my vitamin levels, so I may try to get a PCP to order them before surgery, even if I don't get the results back in time, just so I have something to compare. Idk...depends on how much that would cost me, I am B.R.O.K.E!

I just made a peanut butter milkshake with low fat- no sugar added vanilla ice cream and Jiffy all natural peanut butter and skim milk. YUUUMMMM. That's a liquid I can be ok with ;) LOL.

I hope everyone has a great weekend! See ya tomorrow :)

...6...

Only two more work days after today and then I'm officially on my weekend and then leave! Yikes!

So today is more of a confession blog. Ready? Here it goes:

I CAN'T DO LIQUID DIETS!!!!!!

I just can't...not when it's not a physical necessity. After my lap-band I had to be on a liquid diet for recovery and I did fine, because:
a.) I wasn't hungry
b.) Even if I was, I knew I was healing and the thought of putting food down there scared me
c.) I was asleep most of the time from the pain meds that I didn't really have time to sit around and think about food

But pre-op, when it is not exactly physically necessary and I DO have all day to sit around thinking about how hungry I am and all the food I'm not eating--that just flat out sucks! I tried, I really did, but I give up! I am going to follow Dr. Keshishian's plan which is only 2 days of a pre-op liquid diet. However I'm not stuffing my face until then either. I am having MOSTLY liquids all day, and then maybe one small actual meal that doesn't consist of a lot of meat or carbs or sugars.

I feel kind of like a failure :( I know others of you are doing your liquid diet just fine and sticking to it. I am embarrassed to admit this to you especially since there is no excuse why you could do it and I can't. But I'm still losing weight so my kidney will be in good shape, I'm still cutting out intestinal clogging foods so I'll be all clean for surgery. And by allowing myself a small meal once a day, I will also not go insane. So this just works for me. I applaud and admire those of you who can do the pre-op diets and survive.

I did try a new protein drink yesterday:

OH YEAH COOKIES & CREAM!

I think my review is biased because by the time I had this yesterday I was in a foul mood and the last thing in the world that I wanted was a protein shake. So I made faces, made gagging sounds, stuck my tongue out- generally acted like a child over it. In reality, looking back, it wasn't so completely horrible. I do like the chocolate flavor better, but if you like less chocolate and more vanilla you might like this one. The thickness still gets me a little, but I'm trying to get used to it. Maybe when I'm making my own shakes w/skim milk it won't be as bad.

Thanks for reading :) Until tomorrow...

...7...

ONE WEEK!!!!!! Oh wow, just one more week from today and I will be switched! This crap-band will be out of me and I will be on my way to a new and healthy life! I am so excited!

I've started up my full liquid diet again. So far it's not awful. I'm kind of combining a bunch of different diets from different surgeons since my center doesn't have a DS specific one. Right now I'm following Dr. K's pre-op liquid diet since it seems to be pretty open. I can pretty much have anything as long as I don't have to chew it. I haven't had a protein shake yet today, but when I do I'll review it on here :)

7 little days is all that's left! I've gotten more accomplished so I'm starting to feel better. I still feel like I have a lot to do, but the list is dwindling.

Today was a bit of a shock though- my surgeon's office gave me a prescription for a bowel prep prescription. She said I could take that or drink a bottle of magnesium citrate, but I figured pills might be better than that nasty liquid stuff. Ha- my prescription cost me $40!!!! A bottle of magnesium citrate is only like $3! FRICK! And I have to take them every 15 minutes! There are 32 of them! I am going to be living in the bathroom the day before surgery I swear! Should help me drop a few lbs pre-op though :)

Ok so what is left to do?

*Get a cheap used recliner off Craigslist

*Order SpongeBob pillow to help recover faster (it will!)

*Finish all laundry

*Call office to ask about bowel prep pills and how many/often to take

*Call hospital to get copy of blood labs

*Pay surgeon's fees

*Pay hospital's fees

*Finish making ICE folder

*Pack hospital bag

I think that's it! I can do this :) No sweat Ace!

...8...

Ok I'm caught up :) That was fast! My schedule is all honked up since I've got SO much going on. I almost forgot I had to work today, lol. We got new schedules and it's completely crazy and makes it sort of hard to pre-plan anything. The good news is that I had a 3 day weekend this last weekend and thanks to the new schedule at work I'll have 3 day weekend this upcoming weekend, and then the next day I'll be off for surgery for a couple weeks! Yay :) So I should have a pretty chill week if I can force myself to calm the eff down. Gooosfraba!!

I made taco muffins for dinner last night and was going to post a picture for you all but they were gobbled up so fast I didn't even get a chance! They were super yummy and so much fun!! :)

One week from today I will be sitting on the toilet all day "prepping" for surgery the next day! OMG! I can't believe it's almost here! AHH!